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Life in the Big City

by Julian Alfombra

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1.
you've got beauty on your side squatting in the suburbs of love (don't let this city swallow you whole)
2.
it seems so effortless for you there's so much you never told me it seems so effortless for you how did you ever do it? just about managing in the daytime, but fucked it in my dreams
3.
Grindr 03:57
fuck that, i like all the old men they're always nice to me, and i was just a boy with no experiences of any formative kind and i just needed something human to get me through the winter they're always nice to me, and i was just this boy with no experiences of any formative kind borrowing milestones from random people online i relate to i still check your blog sometimes, da da da da da da da da still haunted by inanity still ruled always by banality there's so much you never told me so much stuff you never told me
4.
my soul doth magnify the lord and my spirit hath rejoiced in god my saviour human beings are irreplaceable never not at rest, i do not want to be an atom anymore never could relate to the boys with the world wrapped around their thumb i count the hours since you slipped away from me somewhere on this planet i went on grindr to see a real human being they never compare to you glory be to the father, and to the son, and to the holy ghost as it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be world without end amen
5.
i hate it when you pass me by it's gotten inky blue outside again and i would give so much to rest my head on your shoulder and tell you that i don't know what to do i know what i want, and i need to have it now lord, i don't want to wait swallowing me whole again city swallowing me whole again touchstarved to fuck every night so heartsick on a wednesday morning i know what i want and i need to have it now, lord, i don't want to wait swallowing me whole again city swallowing me whole again
6.
we talked online for 3 whole hours the sky got inky blue outside would have given a lot to rest my head on your shoulder i know what i want and it's possible sending me mad with fantasy oh god
7.
eyes closed on my way home i was somewhere else entirely niagara falls with a bearded lover and it was 1993 the best day of my life not in durham, not in my life this bit is meant to be unintelligible /// living neutrally, i wish i was out tonight rising wearily i feel like a newborn and when i saw you on my screen, thought that you were mocking me you're a city child..... i'm a hologram someone to hold me far from these voyeurs such a performance, cdg
8.
Chati 02:21
me quedaré aqui por toda la vida me toca a mí esto te lo prometo, te lo prometo chati
9.
heartsick on a wednesday, touch starved and blue i count the hours since you slipped away, don't let the city swallow you whole heartsick on a wednesday, touch starved and blue the most beautiful boy in the world 17 and lonely.... that's the shit i like if it was a choice then i wouldn't recommend it unable to be symbolised at all 17 and lonely, that's the shit i like a perfect catholic boy my love is premeditated
10.
never been to this bar without freaking out it seems so effortless for you want to live in flat white with all my girls like all the other boys do and i'll move to spain and read borges and kafka and never check the news i can leave this place whenever i want but there'll still be boys like you and in moments of weakness i'm desperate to see you again drive to hadrian's wall or lake grasmere to feel that love again went to tyneside alone when it all got too much to bear they treat you like a different species, i try not to care there's a long dusty highway that appears in the dead of night completely perfectly straight, devoid of any other cars and i always end up driving all the way down it, squinting through the moonlight there's a party happening and the gays are invited, except for gays like me
11.
you've got beauty on your side squatting in the suburbs of love can you see me? i've been waiting for you you've got beauty on your side squatting in the suburbs of love

about

Sounds best loud -- recorded 2018-2019

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released February 3, 2019

All music by Julian Alfombra except track 6, which is Bach

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Julian Alfombra Durham, UK

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